A Code of Honor for a Dishonorable Age

What a forgotten fraternity creed can teach us about leadership today.

I was initiated into Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE) when I was in college, and like many young men going through the motions of fraternity life, I heard the words of The True Gentleman recited more times than I can count. But I’ll be honest with you—I never really heard them. Not until recently.

Back then, The True Gentleman was a formal recitation, a a thing we’d all say before meetings or events, something that made you feel like you were part of something bigger but rarely something we truly pondered. It wasn’t until I found myself standing on the House floor, defending democracy in the face of blind allegiance to a man—Donald Trump—who embodies the antithesis of gentlemanly behavior, that those words came rushing back to me.

For those who haven’t read it, The True Gentleman is more than a quaint piece of fraternal nostalgia. It’s a code—an aspirational blueprint for integrity, humility, and character. Written by John Walter Wayland, the essay begins:

"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety..."

From that very first line, we're reminded that behavior grounded in good will—not self-interest, not grievance—is foundational. A gentleman doesn’t act out of pettiness, vengeance, or insecurity. And yet, today, those very traits seem to dominate the political landscape, particularly among those who’ve placed their loyalty in one man over the Constitution.

The essay continues:

"...whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty..."

This isn’t just about money or status—it’s about compassion and restraint. It’s about not punching down, not using your platform to belittle or mock. We all know who this brings to mind. The cruelty is the point with Donald Trump. Whether it’s mocking a disabled reporter, insulting veterans, or sowing division with every tweet and Truth Social post, his behavior isn’t just unpresidential—it’s profoundly ungentlemanly.

What struck me most upon rereading the essay recently was this passage:

"...who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."

Let that sit for a moment. A man with whom honor is sacred. Our politics today is flooded with people who once prided themselves on their values, but who now bend their knees to power. They once swore to uphold the Constitution, but now excuse the inexcusable, defend the indefensible, all because standing for truth would cost them too much.

Honor is not transactional. It’s not something you pick up and set down depending on the polling numbers or the whims of a party base. A true gentleman—and by extension, a true leader—has a spine. He stands firm even when it’s unpopular, even when it means walking away from power. I’ve lived that. And yes, it cost me politically. But I can look my son in the eye and say I didn’t flinch when it mattered.

The essay continues:

"...who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements..."

You almost can’t script a better indictment of today’s political culture. The daily chest-thumping. The sycophantic praise of the wealthy and powerful. The idea that leadership is about dominance rather than service. It’s everywhere. And it’s corrosive.

I failed to take these words seriously when I was younger, but I see now how urgently we need them. We need leaders who understand humility, who treat others with dignity, who aren’t obsessed with their own image or addicted to applause.

We need true gentlemen—and gentlewomen—back in our institutions.

And let me be clear: being a “gentleman” is not about softness. It’s about strength of character. It’s about moral courage. It’s about doing the right thing even when the cost is high. We need people like that in politics. In our communities. In our homes.

So here’s my challenge to you: go read The True Gentleman. Read it slowly. Let it sink in. And then look around—at your leaders, your colleagues, and yourself. Ask if we’re living up to that standard. If we’re not, let’s start.

Because our country doesn’t just need policy changes—it needs character.

And that starts with you. With me. With all of us.

The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe.

-John Walter Wayland