Young Men Are In Crisis: And They Think Trump is The Answer

A loneliness epidemic that doesn’t just affect the infected, it affects all of us

The way some people put it, America has a very serious “man problem.” Those who are alarmists talk as if the Y chromosome is to blame for just about every issue that challenges our society. The press is full of reports on dysfunctional males, and the term “toxic masculinity” pops up in references to everything from climate change to the country’s low birth rate.

I agree that men -- especially younger men -- contribute more than their share to certain problems. This has always been true when it comes to crime, for example. But from what I’ve seen, men are not just the source of social ills. Too many are struggling as traditional masculinity seems to be losing its value. They are confused, frustrated, angry, and resentful. In short, men may be causing trouble, but they are, themselves, in trouble.

That men are in crisis is most evident in the data on deaths by suicide and the effects of drugs and alcohol. Men are four times more likely to kill themselves than women and account for more than 70 percent of opioid deaths. Things are so bad that women now live, on average, 6 years longer than men. Ten years ago, the gap was five. Women are ahead by many other measures, including education, social connections, and even homeownership. No wonder that researchers find women feel more fulfilled than men.

What is happening? In a nutshell, the world where men could earn respect and achieve success while staying in a certain comfort zone is fast disappearing. For much of recorded history, a male of any social status earned respect by providing for a family, typically through manual labor. In America, where the “system” allowed for people to climb from poverty to wealth, male success was often symbolized by the acquisition of property and rising in the ranks as a farmer, a worker, a businessperson, or a professional.

The time when most men could support a family ended in the 1980s as wages began to stagnate and the cost of living rose steadily. The scenario that unfolded in the Detroit auto industry illustrated this perfectly. After twenty years of intense foreign competition, the Big Three car manufacturers -- Ford, General Motors and Chrysler -- began slowly reducing wages and benefits and shrinking their payrolls. A male high school grad could no longer be confident in getting a job with the Big Three and expect to support a household. Let alone afford extras like a lake cabin as his father did. Today a young Detroiter needs lots of luck just to get an assembly line job, and if he does, he will be paid 30 percent less than he would have earned 20 years ago.

The story of the auto industry has been repeated across most of American manufacturing, where wages had been reliably high. Meanwhile, the better jobs that are available, in the tech industry, health care, the service sector, and professions all require higher education. Finally, a male who does prepare for the current job market will discover that the competition is much tougher than it was in their father’s time, because it includes lots of qualified women.

It is only fair that women are beginning to experience some equality in the workplace. And yes, it’s still true that men hold the vast majority of the top jobs. But those men who hold such power are relatively few, which leaves tens of millions who feel cheated when it comes to both wealth and prestige. Today’s men are “falling further faster than almost any cohort in decades,” says Scott Galloway, a professor and tech expert. The result, Galloway told GQ magazine, has been the emergence of an “underclass of men” who are “economically and emotionally stunted.”

Galloway, who has 1.2 million Instagram followers, often leans on anecdotes and cliches to illustrate his points. I think cliches spread because they hold a kernel of truth. The ones about the masculinity crisis find isolated and painfully single young men in their parents’ basements, glued to video games and devoted to online groups. They participate in Subreddits like “foreveralone” and “emptybedroom” and “MGTOW” (Men Going Their Own Way). The popularity of these landing spots speaks to their loneliness. Here again, we can find some pretty good data. Polls show increasing loneliness among you men who are far less likely to reach out to others for support. (Women are almost as lonely, but they have wider social circles where they find connections.) This is a problem in all wealthy nations, from Western Europe to Australia, but it is most acute in the U.S.

Isolated and lonely young men are likely to look for someone or something to blame for their pain. They find it on websites like 4chan where extremists rail against women, liberals, and government officials (to name just a few of their targets). Online, anger is often transformed into extreme political and social views. It is where men (and some women) coalesce around Donald Trump and dream of rolling back decades of change. In this fantasy, traditional wives (tradwives) cede the workforce to men, accept second-class status in marriage, are denied contraception, and lose the right to vote.

As their main model of masculinity, Trump is a power-mad fascist who is bulldozing democracy and using law enforcement officers and military personnel as if they are toy soldiers to take over cities. Imposed from on high, his ”punching-down” domestic policies are making life miserable for many poor and middle-class people, accelerating climate change, and crippling the science that leads to invaluable technologies and medical breakthroughs. Overseas, his destruction of US food and medical aid has killed hundreds of thousands of people.

On a personal level, Trump has long demonstrated contempt for women -- remember his vulgar comments on the Access Hollywood tape? -- and for his marital commitments. When a sex scandal destroyed his first marriage, and all the sordid details played out in the press, he said it was good for his casino business because male customers would consider him a role model. When writer E. Jean Carroll said Trump sexually abused her, he dismissed the issue with a flippant “she’s not my type.” In his words, female critics have been “dogs,” and “fat pigs” and “disgusting animals.” Add his obvious racism and Trump’s behavior, coming from the president, no less, teaches young men that real men are vain, irresponsible, uncaring, prejudiced bullies who seek power which they then exploit for their own purposes.

As they embrace Trump -- online they call him a “king” and “god emperor” -- troubled young men are buying into his fascism, with its promise of male dominance and a “return” to glory days that never existed. Their bond with Trump includes the Trumpified Republican Party where commentators and candidates preach about the value of old-fashioned manliness (whatever that means) and declare that society has victimized young men. Influential 32- year-old Charlie Kirk, founder of the pro-Trump organization Turning Point USA, recently said men are feeling attacked and diminished and are therefore ”voluntarily checking out of society. This means that their psychology is broken.” Tucker Carlson, the pro-Trump media provocateur, has put it more succinctly. “Women are winning,” he says. “Men are losing.”

As Carlson childishly seeks ratings with echoes of a gender war, he ignores the fact that American grown-ups, male and female, are on the same team. Our economy and our society cannot afford to function with millions of underemployed men growing more and more dissatisfied and alienated. So sorry Tucker, this crisis is only producing losers. And Kirk’s lament about psychologically “broken” men promotes a sense of victimization that does no one any good. Sorry Charlie; You ain’t helping anyone with that sob story.

What would help? The first thing would be a better, broader definition of masculinity and different male role models. Real men don’t blame others (especially women) for their challenges. Instead, they take responsibility for themselves by investing in the future through education. They pursue genuine friendships based on mutual support, not shared grievances. In their intimate relationships, they express respect, kindness, humility, and encouragement. None of this involves being a doormat. Indeed, by showing strength of character and, if needed, providing safety with their physical strength, men can channel their natural aggression into a force for good.

What about role models? As the press has noticed, the best ones around today may be the football-playing Kelce brothers (Jason and Travis), who can dominate in a violent sport but show, off the field, that they are caring, kind, and decent men. They co-host a lighthearted podcast where they represent the very opposite of Trumpism. They often celebrate their mother, Jason’s wife Kylie, and Travis’s girlfriend who happens to be the megastar Taylor Swift. When she recently appeared on their show she said they were, “Just dudes who don’t want drama. Dudes who are trying to avoid the mess.”

Other men who seem to be good role models include former wrestler and actor Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, who is an advocate for mental health, actor Will Smith, who speaks often and openly about the importance of family life and his struggles, and former NFLer Terry Crews who is very upfront about positive masculinity.

As we elevate the values and achievements of well-rounded men, we could also make policy adjustments that would help everyone, men included, cope in a challenging economy. These would address a wide range of problems -- education, housing, mental healthcare, and economic development -- that hold men back.

· In education, we need k-12 schools that address the fact that males have fallen behind females in almost every way that learning can be measured. Bridging the gap may require smaller class sizes and better training for teachers, but it can be done. At the same time, post-high school education should be expanded to include more apprentice-style programs in new industries. Men should also be encouraged to train for careers in non-traditional fields like nursing and teaching. Sure, these fields require high-level communication skills, but those can be learned.

· Men and women alike would benefit from policies that address a housing shortage that makes it far too difficult for young adults to achieve the independence that breeds self-respect. Local restrictive zoning laws must be changed to allow for the construction of millions of more affordable housing units. Greater supply will lead to lower prices and options that are far more dignified than a basement man cave.

· On the federal and state levels, we need much greater investments in industrial development in communities where economic decline has destroyed opportunities. Take a map of where male suicide rates have skyrocketed, put it next to one showing where local economies are in freefall, and you will see a lot of overlap. Address the job situation and you will help men gain life-saving self-respect.

· Job development takes years, so in the meantime, something must be done to address the male mental health crisis more directly. Schools need to stop ignoring isolated or angry boys who fail academically and cause trouble socially. At the same time, male suicide must be treated as an epidemic. We need hotlines dedicated to men and expanded confidential services.

In the end, the GOP is not going to embrace policies that help men. Nor will it cease to exploit their anger and resentment, which make them prime recruits for the rump regime. The solutions will have to come from the rest of us -- independents and Democrats. We must acknowledge the crisis, elevate men who represent a masculinity of true strength and engagement, and take action to bring troubled men back into society. It’s going to be hard work, but no one else will do it. A nation that loses its men is a nation that fails.