There's a song by Dan Fogelberg, "Leader of the Band" which he wrote in honor of his father. My Dad (with my Mom, course) raised five children to be the best people they could be. There's one lyric that especially touches my heart:
'The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band"
Good piece, Adam. I liked this part: "Real masculinity is not about being mean or fighting; it is about protecting the vulnerable, showing compassion, and supporting justice and freedom."
Reminds me of the four knightly virtues, as described in the medieval poem of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight:
This is and has always been the point. Excellently written. Donald Trump & Republicans want to bring us back to Medieval Times (the era not the restaurant) and Democrats are looking to the future. Vote Blue up and down the ballot.
It takes one to know one, Adam 😉! You are a perfect example of it! Thank you for living your life as an example. My favorite description was "a quiet strength" to describe masculinity!
Thank you for this! I see a lot of feminists writers whose voices border on misandry. Their tone seems counterproductive despite many of their concerns being valid.
Toxic masculinity poses a genuine threat to the culture at large. We need voices of reason to quell the rage and demonstrate how to communicate with respect.
Dr Amber Hull, I’m a so-called “second-wave” feminist. The goal back then was equal opportunity for women for education and employment. We’ve arrived. But like many other human-rights groups, it seems that there is (to me) a refusal to recognize they’ve won, because they enjoy victimhood.
One of the things I’ve learned in medicine is that no one will listen to what I have to say if they’re completely repulsed by my tone. Often, people don’t remember the details of what is said by a leader but they remember how they felt when they heard it. This is true in medicine as well as politics.
Dr. Amber, in my 80 years of living in different places and cultures the most important things I’ve learned is listening, empathy, and good communication skills to put people at ease so we can understand each other. Your observation is spot on! WhenI was 16 I was an exchange student in Holland. Two things I remember were the kindness of the woman interviewer for the selection in my home town. I didn’t have a lot of confidence then, but she understood my sincerity and the reasons I wanted to live abroad. On the other side of that coin, I lived with one family who it seemed to me wanted an American they could pick on-said my haircut was like Elvis, but not in a complimentary way and other harassments. The mother was kind and did her best to protect me from the son and father. A year or two later I interpreted that the boy and father’s behavior was misplaced unhappiness because they had been forced to,return to Holland when Indonesia (formerly known as the Dutch East Indies) declared independence. They were quite unhappy about having to give up their posh life there. The mother was more accepting. Watch and listen instead of talking all the time and anyone can learn to navigate the human scene and enjoy life more than you can bragging and talking over people.
I’m a pediatric nurse in endo, so mostly type 1 diabetes. One of the docs told a mom (who was convinced that green onions were better than insulin) that she was following junk science. She was so insulted, she switched to another Endocrinologist. So I do understand that communication is critical.
I don’t know how you can say we’ve “arrived,” when women still make 86 cents on the dollar, represent only 25% of both the Senate and House of Representatives, 1 in 6 are raped in their lifetime, the Equal Rights Amendment is still not written into the Constitution 101 years after its introduction, and we still haven’t elected a woman to the presidency in the 246 years of our Republic. And we “enjoy our victimhood”? Really? You need to deal with your internalized misogyny, Anne, it’s women like you who help keep the rest of us down.
Oh yeah, Anne, “trust me, I’m a doctor (really)” 😉, a physician-scientist-published-researcher-professor, in fact! I’m more than a little surprised that you, as a nurse-science-STEM respecter, would claim that the majority of the facts (and they were all facts, in fact, do your own research, Google each one of my cited facts, if not willing to do more rigorous research) I cited had been “debunked.” Kindly back up such a claim with facts before tearing down another woman. We get enough tearing down without other women jumping into the fray. Ty.
Living on Earth 2, where only “alternate” facts survive in that rarified atmosphere of NO2 gas (laughing gas, if ydk) survive? Or perhaps a member of the Flat Earth Society? Your brain really needs to be deprogrammed, sweetie! You are either a Cult 45 member, or just as bad, a Vlad bot.
Sadly, the Trump style of masculinity is reinforce by most high school coaches in the country. They encourage "locker room talk," ignore hazing, and reward size over any other type of skill. They let their players set low academic expectations and give their approval to bullying the smart and smaller kids (who would be happy to be left alone.) Wouldn't it be great if the captains of the football teams and class presidents were the ones with the highest GPA and most volunteer hours.
I'm almost 85. When I was 23, I volunteered to be a paratrooper. I was privileged to serve in the 82nd with men who fought in WWII. You captured their essence. Bravo.
Trump is incapable of understanding manhood. He's a bone spur. God help the world if bone spur wins in November.
Agree on all points! Trump has weaponized masculinity. It’s about aggression, confrontation, and bullying. Unfortunately, this appeals to some men AND women who think it’s all about chest beating and who has the most money to throw around. What a joke. Can a morally deformed man have any realistic concept of masculinity? Negative.
Oh Adam!! I just love you!! We need more real men like you speaking out and calling out the toxic. It hurts the men just as much as the women to be told that masculinity is power, aggression, and bullying. You described masculinity as it should be!! Thank you!!!
Adam, this is a great and timely post! It seems there is a crisis of masculinity with young American males. We need more role models like yourself and other men who can mentor true masculinity. The angry man and his minions lead to very scary results! Weak Hitler used fear, anger and intimidation to create the brown shirts and the SS and we know who the American Hitler wannabe is. He’s exhibiting the exact same behavior. We must help our young men learn helpful and compassionate masculinity.
And the media fans the flames: Wall Steet Journal headline,”The new political war; men vs women” now that’s a great start to not solving a real problem, isn’t it?
Well done. Won’t you reconsider what the ACA means to families, what integrity of one’s own body means to girls and women?
I’d like to live to see the day that what used to be your party don’t use tax cuts to justify cutting social programs that lift those who need it, shelter families, provide affordable educational opportunities. Thank you Adam.
Real masculinity also means being smart enough to see the danger to your family, friends, and allies who are vulnerable. Ukraine is about protecting their vulnerable but also ourselves from autocrats who want to conquer Europe (Poland, Baltics, east Germany and obliterate Ukraine) AND Taiwan which would wreck our economy. These autocrats work together and are attacking us using cyber crime. They destroy countries (eg, Venezuela which Russia, Cuba, and China support). Orban and Maduro in their 2nd terms did exactly what proj 2025 says- eviscerate independent courts and rule of law, despite Trump’s disavowals now that it is public. John Bolton in his book, said Trump followed autocrat Putin’s advise and did not challenge Maduro, AND he pulled out of Syria, stranding our allies the Kurds. He never challenged Putin who paid bounties for Taliban to kill our soldiers as Trump negotiated w/taliban. He - and they - are global mobsters, not “real men”.
Thank you for your post tonight Adam!You are right Adam!Real men are not bullies nor do they act like Trump!You Adam are an example of what real men should be like-kind and compassionate!Keep up the good work!
There's a song by Dan Fogelberg, "Leader of the Band" which he wrote in honor of his father. My Dad (with my Mom, course) raised five children to be the best people they could be. There's one lyric that especially touches my heart:
'The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band"
brilliant
One of my favorites
Good piece, Adam. I liked this part: "Real masculinity is not about being mean or fighting; it is about protecting the vulnerable, showing compassion, and supporting justice and freedom."
Reminds me of the four knightly virtues, as described in the medieval poem of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight:
Beneficence boundless
And brotherly love
A pure mind and manners that none can impair
And compassion, most precious.
This is and has always been the point. Excellently written. Donald Trump & Republicans want to bring us back to Medieval Times (the era not the restaurant) and Democrats are looking to the future. Vote Blue up and down the ballot.
It takes one to know one, Adam 😉! You are a perfect example of it! Thank you for living your life as an example. My favorite description was "a quiet strength" to describe masculinity!
Thank you for this! I see a lot of feminists writers whose voices border on misandry. Their tone seems counterproductive despite many of their concerns being valid.
Toxic masculinity poses a genuine threat to the culture at large. We need voices of reason to quell the rage and demonstrate how to communicate with respect.
Dr Amber Hull, I’m a so-called “second-wave” feminist. The goal back then was equal opportunity for women for education and employment. We’ve arrived. But like many other human-rights groups, it seems that there is (to me) a refusal to recognize they’ve won, because they enjoy victimhood.
One of the things I’ve learned in medicine is that no one will listen to what I have to say if they’re completely repulsed by my tone. Often, people don’t remember the details of what is said by a leader but they remember how they felt when they heard it. This is true in medicine as well as politics.
Dr. Amber, in my 80 years of living in different places and cultures the most important things I’ve learned is listening, empathy, and good communication skills to put people at ease so we can understand each other. Your observation is spot on! WhenI was 16 I was an exchange student in Holland. Two things I remember were the kindness of the woman interviewer for the selection in my home town. I didn’t have a lot of confidence then, but she understood my sincerity and the reasons I wanted to live abroad. On the other side of that coin, I lived with one family who it seemed to me wanted an American they could pick on-said my haircut was like Elvis, but not in a complimentary way and other harassments. The mother was kind and did her best to protect me from the son and father. A year or two later I interpreted that the boy and father’s behavior was misplaced unhappiness because they had been forced to,return to Holland when Indonesia (formerly known as the Dutch East Indies) declared independence. They were quite unhappy about having to give up their posh life there. The mother was more accepting. Watch and listen instead of talking all the time and anyone can learn to navigate the human scene and enjoy life more than you can bragging and talking over people.
Thank you for sharing this story!
I learn so much more from watching and listening than I do from talking. Great reminder!
I’m a pediatric nurse in endo, so mostly type 1 diabetes. One of the docs told a mom (who was convinced that green onions were better than insulin) that she was following junk science. She was so insulted, she switched to another Endocrinologist. So I do understand that communication is critical.
I don’t know how you can say we’ve “arrived,” when women still make 86 cents on the dollar, represent only 25% of both the Senate and House of Representatives, 1 in 6 are raped in their lifetime, the Equal Rights Amendment is still not written into the Constitution 101 years after its introduction, and we still haven’t elected a woman to the presidency in the 246 years of our Republic. And we “enjoy our victimhood”? Really? You need to deal with your internalized misogyny, Anne, it’s women like you who help keep the rest of us down.
Oh yeah, Anne, “trust me, I’m a doctor (really)” 😉, a physician-scientist-published-researcher-professor, in fact! I’m more than a little surprised that you, as a nurse-science-STEM respecter, would claim that the majority of the facts (and they were all facts, in fact, do your own research, Google each one of my cited facts, if not willing to do more rigorous research) I cited had been “debunked.” Kindly back up such a claim with facts before tearing down another woman. We get enough tearing down without other women jumping into the fray. Ty.
Most, if not all of that, has been debunked.
Living on Earth 2, where only “alternate” facts survive in that rarified atmosphere of NO2 gas (laughing gas, if ydk) survive? Or perhaps a member of the Flat Earth Society? Your brain really needs to be deprogrammed, sweetie! You are either a Cult 45 member, or just as bad, a Vlad bot.
So not true Anne.
Sadly, the Trump style of masculinity is reinforce by most high school coaches in the country. They encourage "locker room talk," ignore hazing, and reward size over any other type of skill. They let their players set low academic expectations and give their approval to bullying the smart and smaller kids (who would be happy to be left alone.) Wouldn't it be great if the captains of the football teams and class presidents were the ones with the highest GPA and most volunteer hours.
Or at least were required to read this.
Jim Jordan is a great example.
And the right schools they are
ABSOLUTELY! Thx.
Stunningly column, Adam.
I'm almost 85. When I was 23, I volunteered to be a paratrooper. I was privileged to serve in the 82nd with men who fought in WWII. You captured their essence. Bravo.
Trump is incapable of understanding manhood. He's a bone spur. God help the world if bone spur wins in November.
Agree on all points! Trump has weaponized masculinity. It’s about aggression, confrontation, and bullying. Unfortunately, this appeals to some men AND women who think it’s all about chest beating and who has the most money to throw around. What a joke. Can a morally deformed man have any realistic concept of masculinity? Negative.
Oh Adam!! I just love you!! We need more real men like you speaking out and calling out the toxic. It hurts the men just as much as the women to be told that masculinity is power, aggression, and bullying. You described masculinity as it should be!! Thank you!!!
As a mother , grandmother and mother in law I find this excellent.
Thank you Adam
Adam, this is a great and timely post! It seems there is a crisis of masculinity with young American males. We need more role models like yourself and other men who can mentor true masculinity. The angry man and his minions lead to very scary results! Weak Hitler used fear, anger and intimidation to create the brown shirts and the SS and we know who the American Hitler wannabe is. He’s exhibiting the exact same behavior. We must help our young men learn helpful and compassionate masculinity.
And the media fans the flames: Wall Steet Journal headline,”The new political war; men vs women” now that’s a great start to not solving a real problem, isn’t it?
Well done. Won’t you reconsider what the ACA means to families, what integrity of one’s own body means to girls and women?
I’d like to live to see the day that what used to be your party don’t use tax cuts to justify cutting social programs that lift those who need it, shelter families, provide affordable educational opportunities. Thank you Adam.
Wonderful! You are a true patriot! Please become a Democrat.
Real masculinity also means being smart enough to see the danger to your family, friends, and allies who are vulnerable. Ukraine is about protecting their vulnerable but also ourselves from autocrats who want to conquer Europe (Poland, Baltics, east Germany and obliterate Ukraine) AND Taiwan which would wreck our economy. These autocrats work together and are attacking us using cyber crime. They destroy countries (eg, Venezuela which Russia, Cuba, and China support). Orban and Maduro in their 2nd terms did exactly what proj 2025 says- eviscerate independent courts and rule of law, despite Trump’s disavowals now that it is public. John Bolton in his book, said Trump followed autocrat Putin’s advise and did not challenge Maduro, AND he pulled out of Syria, stranding our allies the Kurds. He never challenged Putin who paid bounties for Taliban to kill our soldiers as Trump negotiated w/taliban. He - and they - are global mobsters, not “real men”.
I’m curious. How do you know that Putin paid Taliban to kill our soldiers?
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/26/us/politics/russia-afghanistan-bounties.html
Thank you for your post tonight Adam!You are right Adam!Real men are not bullies nor do they act like Trump!You Adam are an example of what real men should be like-kind and compassionate!Keep up the good work!
More straightforward, sensible and spot on words from Kind King Kinzinger! (Ha, that just popped into my head!). Keep 'em coming.
Love it, Mari!